An extraordinary, 4-page gallimaufry – we believe by one Ian Lutton – has come into our hands.
The Flooers o' Leith Diary 2011, spanning 22 March–27 April, contains much humorous and pungent verse, political comment, satire, historical notes, and sundry other 'guffs and pongs' in Scots. It is clearly not penned by a shrinking violet.
One entry was partly inspired by the recent Spurtle hustings. We reproduce it in full, with the proviso that the poet's memories of the event are substantially different and a good deal livelier than our own.
LEITH HUSTINGS 23 3 11: Headline in The Scotsman – HOLYROOD BIG GUNS SHOOT OFF. Minutes later 'Mons Meg' Salmond is in action. He boasts that his team are aw crack-shots an' the Gray team are low-calibre. Is this true? Attend The Spurtle Hustings tae find oot.
The chair cocks his startin pistol.
Malcolm greases his Bofors.
Shirley-Anne loads her bazooka.
Margo swivels her howitzer.
Maggie drinks green tea.
Lib-Dem Dan fires Dum-Dums.
Conservatives fire Bolly corks.
Solidarity fire blanks.
Tony Cook fires an Exocet
an' helps save Inverleith Park
while Lord Watson (furtively) sets
fire to the curtains. Unfortunately
the heather remained intact.